Redneck Scuba Diving

Most of us probably have certain members of the family who seem interested enough in scientific or innovative ideas to attempt these projects themselves. Sometimes the results of these attempts are less than satisfactory and other times they are down right hilarious.

My cousin Bobby Jim is the poster child for unexpected results pertaining to redneck experiments in science. The following story is true, I am not making this up.

Bobby Jim was always an inquisitive person. It seemed to run in the family as his other two cousins would always back him up in whatever experiment he was currently attempting. In the late 50’s Bobby Jim decided he would become the first south Georgia scuba diver by making his own diving suit.

Larry Joe and Winston would be his topside supporting team while he searched the mysteries of the deep. The deep, in this case, was my grandfather's farm pond. Although only about ten feet in depth, it was deep enough to serve the purpose of Bobby Jim’s venture into the unknown.

The main part of Bobby Jim’s brainchild consisted of an old gas mask obtained from an army surplus store for five bucks. You know the type I’m talking about, it made the person look like some kind of insect with the slanted, oval shaped eye goggles and rubber hosed breathing tube.

Bobby Jim removed the filter on the end of the hose and attached a garden hose with the other end of the hose hooked to a bicycle pump. While Bobby Jim walked on the bottom of the pond, Larry Joe and Winston would sit in the small fishing boat and operate the bicycle pump to keep air flowing to the mask. At least this was the plan.

Before venturing out into the deepest part of the pond Bobby Jim tried the mask in shallow water and it seemed to work great. Now for the real test as they set out in the boat. To make it easier to stay on the bottom Bobby Jim tied a couple of concrete blocks to his feet before going over the side with a thumbs up gesture.

It was wonderful as Bobby Jim was walking on the bottom. Although murky, he could experience a little of what the real ocean explorers saw on the bottom of the ocean. The experiment was a resounding success.

Of course the real ocean explorers had a crack team to support them in their scuba diving endeavors. Bobby Jim had Larry Joe and Winston who began to get bored quickly as they could not see anything but a few bubbles reaching the surface. While their attention lagged they failed to notice as the hose worked loose from the bicycle pump and fell into the bottom of the boat.

Unfortunately, there was a few inches of water which had seeped into the boat and also a few dead fish from the day before. There was also some dead worms, leaves, and old cigarette butts floating around here and there.

Meanwhile, Bobby Jim was having a problem getting enough air through the hose. Instead of the air being forced into his lungs, he had to suck it down the hose as best he could. He couldn’t figure out why it was suddenly harder to breathe through the hose. He finally decided to push off of the bottom and try to reach the boat. The concrete blocks bound to his feet were not conducive to this effort but Bobby Jim was determined.

Topside, Larry Joe and Winston were cutting up as usual, but all of a sudden they noticed the hose had come loose from the pump. Since they didn’t know how long the hose had been loose they panicked. “BOBBY JIM” Larry Joe yelled.

At that moment two hands broke the surface of the water and grabbed the side of the boat. As Bobby Jim’s head emerged from the water they could see water about halfway up the eyeholes in the mask. Along with the desperate look in Bobby Jim’s eyes they could see fish scales and a lone cigarette butt floating around in the goggles.

Another close call for Bobby Jim, but one giant leap for redneck science.  Did I tell you about the homemade glider?